FIVE, 4i Tit Er 13 IRMINGITXM NEWS.XOTI.MITRXICD Tie South's Created Newepapte ittwrAyi, szyrimezu st Yogi. IPOWFVOMMNIM 1 WILL ROGERS, ROBERT BENCHLEY LUIS PARKER BUTLER RICHARD CONNELL, SAM HELL. MAN AND I.P, MEDBURY HUMOR IN THE MARQUIS ANL EST ABE MARTIN, DON MA DOROTHY PARKE DONALD OGDEN STEWA Pi G. WODEI101-15 Mr. Enjoys njoys Dire Revenge On Dinner Guests AKE MARTIN, DON DOROTHY PARKER DONALD OGDEN STEWART Pi G.
WODEHOUSE By Ernest Henderson 10o NS FUN-0-GRAPH WI i Mt 0 room OP 416 0 It Ott. thil til ii lilt In. '1111. Deadwood Folk Is Afraid To Prowl After Sunset nits sal It be. of wl od al.
bd. ad Id. o. fet nd CLUB OR OI HALL NAG PON goIS NY SITYNIGHT MST GAG fife WEEK .4 117Z 511E'S effeJNG- s'e 1' 'Iv 4 I ik4SItt: Zt Ille C.tiv Woo NWT'S OP ING 'TIC KIDS Gel' PLEiN 1K AT Tle t- CN CASTING' III 5100010 "To EAT, PoETTIE SKY- 04 -The cLP woeNt Nou tic, we SCIZAPET 'CIVV rzommsxoutzo. ACE icyiNGr FOTC, A 14 Or" MEN I ccimB NOT 10 OC" PItAIS'e cAcAz, Bur To I ipzN ilimai-- 1 WAve ell? eleAlzo amerAreY tors ,,:1 iv Aree OVT OF SICAT HErze, ND ONE -TKAT I-IA.
"It) Pe 14 A 9, moraGAGe ONE'S HON46 .) -I til la Ger AN UNDEIZTAkEZ r' StJ 1 1 9ruoIR5 UN "TAKINGr AT MiS kAL 1 ter- CSITNIC LET'S' 'TO IRA .1 4 I i 'NW eth milillOr' .167, i A tsliAl 0. tO '46' 9.StiO OA t4o.) VOUTZE WIZONG- ALEEZT Vw Nt. t' fit A GALLANT MAN IS ONE APPLESAUCE 13 NOT A MUSICIAN. ra' WI40 CAN -TELL A WCNAAhl HE 19 A COLUMNIST FOC LEADING- PAIL'? ALBEIZT i Blir tris' -THAT SOMEVING IS SHOWINa tureitS lovicE -THE i I WITHOUT GIVING KZ TIE 10104 UNDEIZ, IHE PEN NAME QV 94AVELV IMMESSION Ae NOTICED IT c) IZ LONA DOONE OF COUeSE ---14. PCES Br -U.
IAMSO --Aria Yairdt' ItbeZD 14ES MAZICIED, AND I-ItS' WiFe IS' i 1 COLLEGE ANCEKND ENc0c114 -ro Give frimBq Alum. rn- lila OF FIVe A uJEEK 10 ,..) 1.0 441, Its III 'IC. le lid le ng I re, Ito as us a It. fa ca le. of Cf k.
Just For Fun 8:11 Lirift: 1111V in. BY ABC MARTIN Toll Dinkier' brother. who lives In Deadwood. which Is In one or the other o' the Dakota, has written to him sayin' he'd ilk. to pay hint a visit but he's afraid he'd be mur an' robbed It he cams Elaut.
Mrs. Tipton Bud's niece. o' Texas. who's visitin' her, swoons ever' time Ole bears tire bunt. an' yit we folks hero at home walk around the street with awn or eight dollars lit our pockets 111M.
mebbe flat. yeller diamond on our fingers. jest as it tiler worn' no bandits. Lon Moon tried to buy a pair o' shoe sityin' shoes dealer said. "Nothrk and'otihne "PtI4eoT Ibteinkrenktohweamny.ou won't be mut.
dewed before Saturday?" Al revolvers poked in ern. He driven a faet car an he's nearly altos twin' forced to drive a bandit to some point or other. Cashier Lester Kit. Is bark at his bulletriddled post at the bank. lies still bleached an' heave) from his long confinement in the damp vault.
an Ws cliii wesrin' handcuffs, as Blacksmith Luther Bentley, who has the handcuff Min' contract with the bank is off on equirrel hunt In Hendricks County. But ther's Iota o' little Jobs he kin perform about the bank such a watchin' out for boys around 71, an turnin' farmers down. Tilford Moots shot a woman thiturday night. He wus walkin' along an' felt a. poke in his back, an turned an' fired.
but It wog only the woman's umbreller. The doctors are still pickin1 shot out of Longmont Meadow; treasurer ce the Excelnlor Tile Works. who sem: surprised a few days ago while makin' up his Pay roll. They expect to finish up this week unless they run Into a new lead when he's turned over. W.
a little too slow movin' to handle money. lie fully Intended to hold his hands up. but he didn't get organized fast enough. Miss Tawney Apple. o' the movie the-ter bog office, la still sufferin' front Rhea shock.
A toy balloon busted In the lobby o' the the-ater an she lost her memory. Bob Purviance. chain grocery collector, la co*ckeyed front lookin' In revolvers. Mrs. Late Bud thought she heard a burglar an' got out o' bed.
an' cure enough she got her legs filled with shot. Ever' once in a while I miss a familiar figure an' find out that her folks sent her for some bread or soap chips early in May an have never seen her since. Joe Pin; county lake dragger, hitin't had a vacation far two years. Nearly ever'buddy parks ther car under a lamp post. fearin' to go in ther garages after 7 p.m.
Mrs. The Lark, who swallowed her dinner ring before venturin' In her home a few nights ago, will go under the knife today. Jesse James an' Billy the Kid never used to kill any. buddy. unless they wuz pursued an' trapped, an' even Jack Dalton wus allus slow to kill a woman.
but the nifty lookin' young white-collar bandit o' this day an' age don't think no more o' human life than be does a German silver huntin' case watch. (Copyright. John F. fills Co.) WRONG GUESS "Sorry to keep you waiting, old man, but I've been setting a trap for my wife." "Good heavens! What do you suspect "A mouse in the pantry." Mutter AND Who Wants Public Lands, Anyway? Will Asks Mumble By 7. P.
NZDPUIT a 1777 707 King fligtillIPS Syndicate. Ilso CONSIDERATE 'What I liked about the hotel was the way they treated the livestock. Why. they treated the poultry better than they did the guests!" "How's that?" the don't pluck the poultry while they're still alive." SQUELCHED A chorus girl was a guest at a small party. and was pleased to find SY SOULS? SINOWLEY gstrawias alesioasse litsreses.
Sae gore AytioIl Mr, Welter Peter' week is New York hid given over to uin activities, eUch as in row Mood orvoral citizens et that Mon he did not like person. chief obieet in making the eoln Ohio, hitd been to at. lord 4 COI" Winn. watt a I l.4fr5 menagere from all over ID tounicy anti. eithough Mr.
k'etero 11.4 loos since been graduated from U. emeagerehip of the Dyke Iron leoducts Company. he km thought It best to come on to yolk end tee that the present toankeor mitended at least one d15 Sir. Peters knew yolk convention's. lie alba ikreA the cities manager.
mirtieularly fortunate th 4..10414 tl linched of the law td. leo or three little willies Into ardor Sir, Peter had at. .11 tha meetings himself, and L. ma last day wait pretty led up tn talk distribution charts. Isst etening in New York he 11.4e prrierred to forget it an ge to a good show.
But the meet have a banquet. Ps. of the moor tuyeteriest of our roirrn rivdtaation is the entertain rommittoo. Slade up of men aro, in their pre. oco do's.
suffered with the r.k! iargs convention dinners. they 0-" in offictul capacity. go eght malting plans for another, laboring under the delus 41 that this nee IN going to turn ha an al fair. Sir. peters.
even a ith his limited it such matters, could have told iiffcrentiy. In fact. be did. but was put down to the ruti.bilngs of a sour old man. It 'Litt he found himeelf in a damor-jacket tend trousers to VI OM Mt it small round table doter.s et other small round Ifl ene of the larger hotels of Yark just ae the toastmaster at the speakers' table and for Before him lilycup full of what to he ice-creatn with a st.r.ra:ieg of bread-crumbs on top, aommeow had not appealed to Rs nourishment.
lie was ,40 et his own cigars. thc next tahle was a group of eol.guos. who. having foregathcod in Were the dinner ta'gon On a conaignment of and gin, stirred with a e0 in a hotel pitcher. were now ti.icr linpression that they were ko boys.
This delusion had been Lsict interals during the din-tor appin ations of laell-boy scotch water. It would have to tell them that they were 4. boys, but middle-sged managers, fur the ides was established in their minds by several of them had even gone va as to picture themselves as eciits of the college comic paper with a duzy incumbent on them to furnish I wisecrack every 20 seconds. Others content to be Just members of rice club, or rather leaders of Ito teos club, each one with a difP.m:. song to introduce.
In the face tf the chairman's task was not as one. But he went about It pod-natured bravery. he shouted. banging tr. tork on a water-glass, "will teoe eome to order!" nlor an gin-rickey." answered ore 4 the haid-headed collegians at rstt an exquisite witticism that down roars of laughter frorn mates.
One of them, howsttr. that not sufficient honor ta paid to the chairman, and shushed his clever mate isading a three-part of "For he's a jolly good fel tcnich was taken up with such by the others that the toast- r4.7er Itas forced to pause and ac tht. tributP. When this had been wito an encore and cheers I It ti.e end, the introduction COntin or lot WILL ItOOZIII It21 by The lIoNattght Ilya4ioal4b, Well all I know is just what I read In the papers. Well lets see what took place wince we communed last.
One of the bigg.st thing. hi the attempt of President Hoover to give all the land belonging to the United States back to the individual States. BUT he recommends that the Federal Government hold all the Oil and Mineral rights. NVell that's Just like offering a hungry man a meal and reserve the rights to ifiStie him no food. You give him a plate and knife and fork and you put him in a position to eat in case something shows up.
Oe r. a be t. zerland: we'll soon be at the German frontier. MumbleThat's fine: I hope we see some Indians. MutterWe're at the border now.
Here comes the customs Knam Mumble.What? MutterI say. here comes the customs man. MumbleThat's all right. tell him we don't want any. MutterYou'll have to get out and open your baggage.
MumbleI cant open my baggage. MutterWhy not? MumbleI lost the cork sezew. MutterI thought you were going to give up drinking for your family. MumbleDon't be milly. rm not drinking for my family.
MutterYou told me once that liquor was reeponsible for your uncles death. MumbleIt was. He was run over by a brewery wagon. MutterViras your uncle In the street? MumbleNo. it sneaked up on him him in the bathroom while be was taking a shower.
MutterI asked you a sensible question. MumbleDell don't brag about it's beginner's luck. MutterI don't mind train travel. but I can't say that I like this compartment. MumbleWhat's the matter with It? MutterWe're right over the wheels.
MumbleWell that's better than benig underneath them. MutterHere comes that German doctor. When you fainted last night, he'll the fellow who revived you. MumbleIs that the man who brought me to? MutterYes. MumbleThat's fine.
Ask him to bring me two more. r. that an old flame of bersa steel trillignatAWila also present. She decided to pique him by treating him with lofty contempt. and upon being introduced by their hostess.
looked at him with studied indifference. and murmured: "Sorry. I didn't get your name." "No." was the reply. "I know you didn't. But that wasn't your fault.
You tried hard enough." NO HARD FEELINGS "Please. suh." said a negro servant to his employer. 'I'd like tomorrow of The employer did not look too plea Ned. "Well. Sambo.
I gave you ix day off a month ego to attend your wife's funeral. What do you want another day off for?" Sambo looked confused. "Well. sub," he said, at "so'. I can get married again." "Married!" exclaimed the white man.
"How can you think of getting married again when your first wife hasn't been dead a month?" "Well, gull." confessed the widower. "I never was one to hold grudge long." OLD MEANIE! He was visiting the newlyweds at their home. Everything was fine but "'Why did you take an apartment with such a tiny kitchenette. Tom. old boy?" "Well.
you're the first man I've told. so keep it quiet. It's so small I can't get In there to help my wife when she's doing the dishes." PROFITABLE FRIENDS A young descendant of the Hebrew race was hard up in a large city. Ile wrote to his father: "Dear Father: I am in the city and am broke and have no friends. What shall I do? Abe." The father wrote back: 'Dear Able: Make some friends quick.
11, would do well to take to This turned out to be a lesson that "each and every one of us here tonight" had already figured out for himself and had read perhaps 300 times in the trade journals during the past year. With a resounding appeal to Amer'. can manufacturers to keep aloft the Ideal that had animated the malleable iron trade for the past half century and to urge Congress to place a higher duty on Spanish iron pyrites, the ex-president sat down amid loud applause and a. general banging of "For he's a jolly good fellow." which, whatever else he may have been. he certainly was not.
The noise awoke the siumberers at the next table and inspired the livelier ones to renewed efforts. One of them leaped to his chair and inmisted on leading the ansembly in "There's a Long, Long Trail A-Winding," with words that were to be found printed on sheets at each guest's plate, the last line of which ran: "Till the day when we'll be coming back, with the bacon in the malleable iron game." The next speaker had been engaged with some idea of lightening up the affair. He was a professor by calling, but could be engaged through a lecture bureau as an after-dinner speaker to lend an outside touch to convention dinners that had otherwise been given over to trade matters. He opened up with a story, and from this he led naturally Into a discubmiun of the smile in business, illuminated by anecdotes of Martin Luther. Dean Inge and the late Edward Everet Hale.
Dividing his subject into five parts or divisions." he called them, thereby getting in an extra word meaning the same thing), he dwelt on each "subhead or division" for a matter of 20 minutes. Then, just as it seemed to the smoke-blinded audience that he was nearing his peroration, he suddenly got his second wind and switched to a new line of attack that he whimsically called "The Golden Bute of Business." This a ril ho ta 41 IS MutterWell Mr. Mumble, bow do you like these European trains. MumbleTherre too stuffy. litutterThat's silly.
If you want.1 the window opened. all you have to do is say the word. MumbleYeh, but I don't know the word. MutterI thought you were quite a linguist. MumbleNot me.
I only know two languages. MutterIs that so, what are they? MumbleMale and female. MutterCan't you speak any Dutch at all? MumpleNo. I even had to get an interpreter this afternoon to help me eat a bowl of alphabetical soup. MutterDon't be foolish.
Alphabetical soup is the mime lit any tongue. MumbleYou're crazy, that one I had was printed in German. MutterWell if you're going to stay long in Germany you'll have to learn their A. B. Cs.
MumbleI'm getting along all right. MutterWill you know what to do the next time you want a bowl of alphabetical soup? MumbleSure. I'll order clam chowder. MutterLook. we're leaving Switalong and if asked I would remark, "I don't choose to answer." But take It all in all its a tough life, this thing of being President and trying to please everybody.
(Well not exactly everybody but enough to promised to bold him for another 20 minutes. By this time Mr. Peters eyes were red and smarting from the cigar smoke, his back was tortured with much shifting and turning in his chair. his temper was completely frazzled by the periodic interruptions from the rejuvenated members of the next table (a fresh consignment of contraband goods having been rushed in meanwhile), and his resentment at the speakers had developed into a full-blown fury. Wiping the perspiration from his brow.
be stole out to the lobby. Here he disappeared for a few minutes and then was seen in conference with one of the waiters. Producing two bottles from under his coat, he asked the waiter to take them to Table No. 7 and to the 'peak-era' table respectively, with the compliments of an unknown well-wisher. "Bo sure the speakers get theirs." he added.
He knew that there would be no doubt of Table No. 7 taking anything that was handed to it. The demises that resulted from the banquet of the Malleable Iron AtI80- elation robbed the trade of some of its most important members and the lecture bureau of one of its principal speakers. The general consensus was that the oysters were to blame. Pt AS ck hie al.
ler Ir out our way." said one. reflectively. By the way. Hank. Wall that new barn of yours Injured any?" The other shifted his wad of chew.
ing tobacco. "I can't say be answered. slowly. "I ain't found it yet." CAUTIOUS Two farmers met in town a few days after a cyclone hit the countryside. "Yes.
It did quite a bit of damage Dr. Rockwell (Quack, Quack, Quack) )Io nd of sh )1- 110 nt it Id lir a a McIntyre 's Gotham Rambles Amt. 1EL lleiltOlr ,,..14,4 pt 0 0 00 of it A 10a, yo 116 dIdEMl www011 Mamma, WM 1101 I. re. MMMI- wi--Pit A4L)Al, .,1 fl 4 I I (1.
I- '''t: 14 .) 11 et oll" 11 a --V i 1 I i.o.,eler ven givevo I merolle- A1, 1 41911 t14MIL' 4 ti ,411 'r 4P 111 47 10. a 4 1 .19 ET O. O. wrtirntz 1919. for The Birmingham Novo by litoNonoht Orndicato.
Inc. SOMETHING SWEET AND SAD ON THE PICCOLO Some things small town folk miss in New York: Friendly greetings from porch hammocks as you walk along. Lumber yards. Telling the editor what you think to his face and stopping the paper. 1 The odor of burning Autumn leaves.
Steak beatings in the backyards at dusk. The turkey wing stove duster. The early morning song of birds. The school bell. Cellar doors.
A notion store. Apple butter. The Thursday evening band concerts in the public square. Eating Sunday dinner at the leading hotel. The little group of frame office buildings near the courthouse and usually known as lawyers' row.
The excitement when all the farmers drove Into town Saturday morning. Watching the saddler work at his bench from a street window. The annual visit of the silk-hatted optician from New York. Alleys. The arrival of the Pittsburgh to Cincinnati river boat with its city orchestra.
The crescent in the door. The Al G. Field yearly minstrel Parade. The dollar round trip Sunday excursions. Putting a firecracker under Uncle Enoch while he dozed on a park bench.
7 N.sTer 0,4 von A sc' ut. 4 or al a Course originally in our Country the Government owned all the land there was outside the original 13 colonies. and England owned that. Then NVashington had a war and took it away from them and annexed most of it personally himself. What he dident get a Democrat named Jefferson got.
He was the meet far-sightI ed Democrat in either his or any other time, and they named the Democratic Party after him. There is no reaaon with the start they had that the Democrats couldent just as well have been the party of prominence as the Republicans. The Democrats had the firet start. and they could just as well have taken the part of Capital. But they took Jefferson's high ideals.
That is. he was for the poor but was himself OF the rick. So the Democrats wanted a wonder. ful talking argument where they could get up on the stump. (They had stumps in those days.
That was before stump pullers were invented) and it sounded great to announce, "I and the Party I represent am for the poor man, (cheers) and we believe in every man having an equal opportunity, and if elected I will personally see that he gets it." (Cheers even more louder if that was possible). Now he would really finish with a big round of applause. But he never could get enough votes to keep him free postage stamps. But that one peculiar thing about a Democrat, he would rather have applause than salary. He would rather be told that he Is right.
even if he knows the Guy is a liar than he would to know he is wrong but belong to the Republican Party. But all this has nothing to do with the Public land. Nobody knows why Mr. Hoover got it in for the States and wanted to sick the land on them. If the Federal Government cant keep it up what could some poor State like vevada do with it Why the Government owns 75 per cent of all tee land i Nevada.
Utah is next. You wouldent think it, but Brigham Young and Mr. Joseph Smith took over 53 per cent of the land of Utah. leaving the Government (if my Rays green back Arithmetic is correct) 47 per cent. The Government owns 27 per cent of Wyoming, including the biggest part of Charley Irwin.
Now these are all poor States (That is poor in financial standing, BUT RICH IN TRADITION.) Now if you are going to force this extra percentage of land on them you are just going to make them that much poorer. Anyttme Reed Smoot and Senator Kendrick cant make Sugar and cattle pay, why what chance has some poor State with no Senator on the Tariff Commission got? There is nothing that can break a man quicker than land, unless its running a Grocery Store or dealing in second-hand cars. About all you can do with this public land is make a park out of it, and you have to make road into it If Its a park, and that costs you more than you can make out of the Soda Pop and Hot Dogs that the Tourists will buy on their way through it. tell you a Tourist is one of the worst, if not the worst investment there is. He knocks everything and buys nothing.
He don't know where he is going only that he wants to get away from his own home. He is sore at his wife and family that are in the car and be takes It out on your part of the Country. A tourist contributes nothing but empty tin cans and profanity to the upbuilding of your State. Now the Government wasent able (with all its Republican Tarriff) to build roads through these Public lands so what can a State do? Even if there was no graft in the Highway Commission I doubt if you could do it. So we just better announced to Mr.
Hoover that while we as pub- lie tax Dodgers if possible, appreciate what he is trying to do for us, we Just cant accept. That he will have to take these deserts and mountain sides back and put them under the Secretary of the Treasury as he I is the only man I can off hand think of that has enough money to maintain them. Mr. Hoovers argument was that he wanted to give the States Individually a little more leeway in conducting their public affairs. But he had no more than done that then the Anti Prohibitionists hopped on him and said, "Well.
If you want the States to run their I own business why dont you let them I run their own Prohibition business?" Well. that brings on more argument. So It just looks like a President better lay off of things like that. I I guess little Calvin had the right Idea. Ile dident let on he know.who owned these lands, as long as he could fish on them why that was all he knew shout them.
It only shows that no matter what a President does 1 he is wrong according to come peopie, so I couldent even say YES or i NO 31 I was him; I would Just stall) 4-, 401 446 "I WOO of I. 1 111 (7!) rter 1- 16th Vs OPID.1144 SAX Sriimts. czn.o 4 0 duo b.0 I Ji "seJ14 N'Aftealltto L'L veph.l.emto It I' Law enforcement at Greerwolch. e-. Pzt LI the soldiers took baking coda.
APPLE PIE VS. CUSTARD PIE Gen. Grant once remarked to a newspaper man who had approached him for an Interview. "I'd rather be a big frog in a little puddle than second in Rome." "Alas! How true that is! Our increasingly complex civilization Is daily adding rew problems for man to solve, and the strain from adapting himself to these ever-changing conditions Is tremendous. It causes high nervous tension that is directly responsible for the alarming increase of certain diseases.
From the time we open our eyes In the morning until we close the windows and open our mouths for another night of horizontal retreshment, it's one problem after another. Bills broken radios. noisy neighbors, etc. If we're fat we try to figure out how we can wear knickers without being laughed at. and if we're thin we've got to devise some way to wear them without our stockings coming down.
Then we've got to know how much water to drink to replace the amount the manufacturer evaporated front the canned Milk; we must keep track of changing schedules in journalism and know bow early in the afternoon we can get the next morning's paper, and as a last straw we have a decision to make several times each week which not only gets annoying, but becomes really irritating, and that Is: What kind of pie shall we eat for dessert, apple or custard? This latter is one of the biggest problems of our day and is responsible for more nervous breakdowns. family rows and chewed-off fingernails than any other single cause. As a doctor who has specialized on pie, I believe I can offer some valuable advice at this time. I cried for it when a baby, stole it when a child, ate twice too much of it from the time I went to high school until I was old enough to vote, and since then have fed up and read up pretty thoroughly on the subject. Pie has been eaten Or Ihtindreds of years.
It was eaten as early as the twelfth century. This is pretty early to eat pie, although in many parts of New England they eat it for breakfast. They start the day off there the same as they do an automobileby filling up with gas. The Pie In History Xenophon relates how Cyrus the Younger caused an offering of pie to be made to Apollo and then fed a lot of the left-over pie crust to 10.000 Greek soldiers, with the purpose of making them fighting mad. The plan was successful, for he took Babylon, but the soldiers took baking soda.
Pie is also mentioned in the archives of Madame Goose. We read of a character by the name of Simple Simon meeting up with a fellow who sells pies. A piemonger we might say. Simon begs to be allowed to sample the wares. This establishes not only the existence of pies at that time, hut clearly shows that different kinds had appeared and were bringing out the indecision complex.
Another standard pie incident Is mentioned by Prof. G. C. McKinnon, the infamous authority on Old Scotch and English history. He relates how Sir Walter Raleigh returned from America with an apple pie for Queen Elizabeth.
Through a mishap, some lady in waiting sat on it. It became badly damaged, and when the queen saw it she swore it was squash. Comparative Anatomy We have seen how pie pops up in history ever so often. Historians commenced to mention It and Toad probably had olthar oustazt or Itt liontlornem" he began again. "1 notmant to take up much of your trio hore tonight, for I am.
just the toscrraver, and, as you know, the Is more or lees the fifth "Laii ior and funnier." came an exbrlAtlen from the children 's table, a crack that Was deemed so good that eime yelled it a second time, vti.ry expecting (and getting, is more) just as big a laugh first. The serious-minded again saved the situation by one verse of "Hail, hail, the gA.ngs afl here." Peters. althotich he had scant rrnrai4 wnh the move to introduce had even less with the of at the next lie Mimed and looked at them erit what thoucht was a withering g.an,o. hut it evidently was nothEg of the sort for one of the hilatimis onos caught it and interpreted it to he a friendly salute that called for So he raised his glass to Mr. peers and called Out: "Here's mud your eye:" Thereby inflaming his mates with a desire to sing one vsrse of "Here's to Peters.
He's True Blue." a which, it is needless te say thoy gavo in to. This attract-el krientien to Mr. Peters, and more him with the noisy in the eyes of the rest of the thereby raising his bloodpresexe to a good 175. If Mrs. Peters had hoon prosont.
she would have known What WOUid NUrelY happen, if Vim sari of thing went on. Iferever, as the supply of bell-boy tan loxv. the spirits of the Juveniles subsided, general of the eller ones dropping off into a 4tle and others getting sullen. Only ets or two ef the irrepressible ones tceeled the barrage of witty sayings 4:11 cemments. with an occa- of sung.
This gave Mr. a chance to recover slightly lroz lus rage and listen to the staker But he had chalked down riUnd a black mark against the (4 old boys at the next alai a Peters never forgets. lot was hardly less irritteng. however. The speaker.
NV110 was an ex-president of the associat, May lave been a very good lett he should never have F'd pal lie speaking. As is usual '7ise in people who should nevelate essayed public speaking, he an Woo that he was very good. tafa Mr. Peters got around to to him. he was about 20 in a general survey of iron situation, with to the European marsnd modern distribution meth( It was all material with which Petcrs, and probably everyone keent, was familiar, but the speakPelnd to feel that his dynamic and delivery would be to make almost any old thrilling to listen to.
So he ..41114,1 ferth into a reading of export and import tables for 1927-1928 and the first six zlorrhs 21a. taking great pains to Millions of dollars." instead million dollars" each time, '1'1Y giving himself 10 extra words to line. uni that point he droned into Ittlt he considered to be the lesson in all lesson each one of tin here tonight In mind when be wrote "Good Pie Forever." But the problem of selecting a piece of pie in those days when it was only eaten on special occasions was as nothing compared to the preaent time. when we get it day after day. Science has come to the rescue, however.
By utilizing the following chart the whole thing is reduced to mathematical certainty. You can Instantly decide at any time of the day or night whether you should eat apple or custard. I fr tO An Interesting check-up on the Custard-Apple Pie Feud is seen in the answers to an Inquiring reporter who asked the following question-- WHAT KIND OF PIE DO YOU PREFER, AND WHY? ccc HAROLD ATTERIDGE Author and Collector of String, Pencils and Old handkerchiefs. It all depends. Sometimes I like one and sometimes I like the other." MABLE BLIZZELL Clubwoman and Salted Peanut Advoate.
"I prefer apple but generally order custard as it's so much easier to eat with a dull fork." NORMAN M'HAWKESWORTH Golf Pro and agent for repainted golf balls and Eureka Folding Lunch Boxes. "If a person is hay. Ing trouble with their form they shouldn't eat either." FANNY MASTERS Maseeuse and author of "I Knead Thee Every Hour." "I don't eat pie, but if I did I'd go for the apple. I admire crust, even in pie." GARDNER LEARY Overtsuffed Furniture Buyer. "I like custard, but I don't know why.
I suppose it's Just because I do. The same as a moth prefers any part of clothing that hows." Now. my dear readers. I hope you Will not let this pie matter drop without either memorizing' the chart I have given you, or pasting it in your hat. I want you to be preparedl to step 4nto any eating place and order pie right off the bat, and not have to put It off 'til the last part of the meal.
By doing this you'll save yourself a lot of worry and be sure of your pie In case of fire. (Copyright, 1929, Mc Naught Syndlalma. Ina.) The most interesting and best written press agent material coming to me is from the publicity director of the Savoy Hotel in London. And I am constantly noticing the wide notice it receives all over the country. I am told of a dog catcher, who resembled a human chimpanzee.
rushing into a private estate at Greenwich, to seize an old, harmless and toothless bird dog, the constant pet of a little 5-year-old boy. The child was so frightened by the uncalled-for attack that he was thrown into a violent state of hysteria. The dog was later reclaimed from a city pound. but developed a skin malady that required it be put out of the way. That sort of bungling law enforcement is a blot on Greenwich.
ace Some books I have enjoyed: "The Dark Journey" by Julian Green. (Harper's) They Stooped to Folly" by Ellen Glasgow. (Doubleday-Doran.) "The Beautiful Years" by Henry Williamson. (Dutton's.) "Chicago" by Henry Justin Smith and Lloyd Lewis. (Harcourt-Brace.) see Short shavings: the Fifth Avenue haberdasher, is opening a branch in Chicago Flo Zeigfeld says he la a French Catholic Roy Howard and his wife are on a four months trip around the world Adela Rogers St.
John and her husband, Dirk Hyland, are moving from California to New York Simile: As interesting as "The New Yorker" used to be H. N. Swanson, the College Humor editor, parts his hair in the middle Floyd Gibbons' book, "The Red Napoleon." is looked upon as a big bet for a spectacular movie Gibbons, incidentally. has became a. drawing card ever the re dio He recently spent three months crossing the Sahara on camel back Peggy Wood is starring in London Irene Bordoni was born on Napoleon's Island of Corsica Eugene O'Neill is the only Broadway playwright born in Times Square George Gershwin lives in a pent house overlooking the Hudson Irving Berlin 's favorite of all his tunes is "The Song Is Ended" Earl Carroll's "Sketch Book" is a hit George M.
Cohan is acting in a tense play called "Gambling" which he wrote himself Somebody should tip off New York's police commissioner to cut out his grandstand plays They look foolish. Homer Croy, who is to Marysville. what Irvin Cobb in to Paducah, has, with his usual flair for being original, written the first novel ever written about Coney Island calling it by the name of that famous seaside resort. Why Coney has been overlooked by the fictionists and dramatists has always excited my wonder. It is as full of atmosphere as Bermuda onion and as colorful as the aurora borealis.
In the past month I have been motoring to Coney every evening and I have not yet failed to find something new and exciting. It is a treasure trove for what scribblers call "human interest." Mr. Croy has provided an interesting glossary of the strange terms used at Coney. Thus: Blow-offthe last performance of the night; Gaff a gambling game that can be manipulated: Grease Joint hot dog stand; Grind showa cooch dance; Juice Jointsoft drink stand; Joey a clown; Mitt-jointfortune telling placs; MonkeyTou; Monkey Rait--something to draw you in; Pit Showa performance below the street level: Toot upto ballyhoo with a calliope, and Round Ride the merry-go-round. The appeal of Coney to me Is in Its engaging informality.
Nobody dresses up. This gesture absolutely spoils so many watering places making them stiff and starchy. At Coney mothers and children often wear bathing costumes from the beginning of the season to the end. Coney, incidentally, offers a type of fat woman seen nowhere else. She balloons from the chin to her insteps, but waddles along, beaming and happy.
She is not tortured by weight or is ehe chasing from one diet to another. And she enjoys life to the fullest. will Mahoney. the dancing comedian who interpolatea his clogging with so many neck-breaking falls loses three pounds with each performance. But makes up the loss with a night's sleep.
Otherwise with all his violent gymnastics he has not varied in weight since he was 17. It strikes me the sporting world is largely a collection of bum sports. Others have been intimating this for several years, especially pointing to the tough mugs of pugilism. The passing of Tex Rickard brought out the larger streak of yellow. On paper Rickard was a rich man.
Ills sheer gameness and enterprise should have rewarded him with at least a million or so. But after his death his pals ran out like rats leaving a deserted shop. Ilis estate is not worth $5.000. Ilia widow cooks a. Job.
In compiling this table I have given principal consideration to prevailing conditions and environment. To use It. all you do is to determine the correct item under Clothing. Weather and Time, which apply to you at the particular time you intend ordering the pie. Note the number appearing behind each item.
Add these up, and if the total is even you should order custard. If odd, get apple. CLOTHING Two pants bathing suit (8)Back1es9 Underwear (71)Tuxedo with Synthetic Tie (900)Shiny Blue Serge Suit (107)Daisy Dump House Aprons (5)Golf Outfit with Rompers (28)Rayon Hose, rolled and boned (9)Orange Peko Tea Frock (17)Fleece Lined Underwear with Zipper (93). WEATHER Cold with flurries of snow and low pressure over Central Mississinpi Valley (41Fair with occasional linen shower, (44)H1gh northeast winds followed by broken umbrellas, Influenza and embarrassment MD Hail, small sized (55), medium (2), large (6). fancy selected (69)4 extra choice (CM.
TIME 6 A.M. (75)From 12 Noon 'til 12 Midnight (22)Any month with in it (19)Daily excepting Sundays and Holidays 0(4, 1.
